When we desire an attempt at sharing a deeply embarrassing secret to another, the response of the person listening can have enormous ramifications. For example, if we find the person we are sharing with even slightly judgmental and condescending, we will withdraw quickly and resist sharing any further with them. Additionally, we will become injured and that injury will make us wary of sharing sensitive information with anyone else. We no longer feel safe.
My experiences in small group has taught me the intrinsic value of a safe atmosphere, one of real and authentic caring. A safe environment, however, is not something we happen to walk into by accident. That kind of place is one fostered through intentional and deliberate choices. We learn to develop healthy boundaries and appropriate behaviors which nurture the feeling of being safe. Our hearts long to be in the presence of those who really have our interests in mind.
There are a couple of verse in the Bible I think can help us understand the importance God places on our ability to honestly share deep places within us in a safe place. As we consider, let us be conscientious of the destructive nature of judgmental and condescending attitudes.
“…confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.”
- James 5:16 NIV
Think for a moment with me. To confess a sin means to share a secret that has been hidden in the dark. It is to reveal something deeply troubling about oneself, causing embarrassment and shame. It is to disclose something very personal, causing us to feel transparent and vulnerable to vicious attacks. To confess our sins to another is profoundly risky and dangerous.
So, has God done anything to help us in this? Yes. Listen to the words found in Isaiah 53:5:
“…he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.”
Simply put, God has held court. He afflicted his Son through the burden of judgment and condemnation for our transgressions, our iniquities. In other words, God legally placed the penalty of our own sins upon Christ. Therefore, for anyone to attempt to be judgmental and condescending is in violation of God’s legal action. How is that so? Paul writes,
“There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ…”
- Romans 8:1 NIV
He later mentions that no one - not even Satan himself - has the legal right to hold anything against us! If God has acquitted us, then we are acquitted! From this perspective, we can perceive Jesus’ last words to include the meaning, “Court adjourned!” “It is finished” is a formal declaration of our acquittal. Jesus’ death is the dropping of the gavel. His resurrection is the institution of something new, something wonderfully beautiful and new. Moreover, Jesus is the second person of the God-head and, in that position, has the authority to make such a legal claim.
If you ever find yourself being the recipient of judgmental and condescending remarks, please be aware that their words are in violation of the highest court’s ruling and thereby subject to the charges of both perjury and contempt. In God’s eyes, judgmental and condescending attitudes and comments are very serious offenses. And if we find ourselves to be the one judging and condescending, we have an advocate, Jesus Christ the righteous! He is compassionately merciful!
1 Corinthians 3:1-3 - “Brothers, I could not address you as spiritual but as worldly - mere infants in Christ. I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready. You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarrelling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere men?”
Jude 18-19 - “…there will be scoffers who will follow their own ungodly desires…men…who follow mere natural instincts…”
The scriptures include some harsh evaluations at times. They can prove difficult to take in. Yet, it is essential to pay close attention if we are to experience growth in our relationship with Christ. As for me, I find these passages a stark reminder of those natural tendencies within that resist obeying God.
Romans 8:5, 7 - “Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires…the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God’s law nor, can it do so.”
One of the most destructive notions I adopted as a young Christian was the idea that salvation meant the full eradication of sinful behavior. Consequently, when sinful tendencies arose within, I would cringe in horror, imagining that if I somehow suppressed them from conscious awareness, they would go away. I also imagined that the quicker I pushed them down, God would see how “dedicated” I was to him. In order to keep them out of sight, I fabricated a persona, a tapestry woven with materials of tradition and regulations. Inevitably, the external image collapsed under the weight of truth.
Colossians 2:21-23 - “Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch! These are all destined to perish with use, because they are based on human commands and teachings. Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.”
The gospel is not a message about God coming to earth to demand moral integrity. That was the message God gave Moses through the law, a message which could demand obedience but not cause it. The gospel is about Christ acting in response to our condition, abolishing the law by nailing it once for all to a cross (see Col. 2:14 & 1 Peter 2:24). We have now been given, through God’s Spirit, the capacity to experience loving obedience to our Father (see Romans 8:3-4, 16 & Galatians 4:6, 5:16).
Nevertheless we must guard against naiveté. Our tendency is to follow natural inclinations. The Holy Spirit works to lead us into intimate relationship with Christ expressed through a spiritual awakening, followed by a process of producing Christ-like attitudes and behaviors. Love underscores such a life lived in harmony with God’s Spirit. Faith and hope fill the heart and mind with peace as wisdom, courage, temperance and justice animates the character. It all begins when we step into the reality of the first beatitude: “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”
Last week I shared my account with a car that wouldn’t start. It turned out to be a fuel pump gone bad. Yesterday, I picked up the vehicle and got started on my routine. Everything seemed to be going quite well… Then I learned of an incoming storm. Meteorologists were calling for a thick layer of ice to develop overnight, followed by an even larger system with more snow, freezing rain and ice. Immediately I began feeling the resistance rise within me. “Oh no!” I thought to myself, “I won’t allow this storm to interrupt my routine for tomorrow morning. I will continue with my plans down to the minute!”
Waking up the next morning, I peered out the bedroom window to find a large amount of ice had fallen. I dressed in warm clothing, grabbed a rubber mallet from the garage and commenced beating a thick layer of ice off the door latch and surrounding area. I then started the car to warm it up. As I impatiently assessed the amount of ice on the car, I decided to speed up the process by gently tapping the ice on the windshield. After several “gentle” smacks with the 3 pound rubber mallet, I returned into the house.
After 20 minutes or so, I went back outside to the car, wiping off the chunks of ice from the windshield. “What did I just do!?” I remarked to myself in utter horror. Removal of the ice uncovered a web of spider cracks throughout the windshield! Shocked, I instantly realized a huge expense had just been created through my own stupidity. No, my impatience. You see, the crucible of inconvenience had not completed its work. One of several impurities to be addressed is self-focused impatience. In the circumstantial environment of inconvenience, my impatience found expression through a rubber mallet. Staring in disbelief at the windshield left me no option but to acknowledge the existence of, and damage caused by, stubborn impatience. The financial element hurts, to be sure. But the emotional and spiritual cost is equally significant.
As I discover what it means to be a Christ-follower, it clearly suggests character development. One cannot determine to seek Christ-likeness without going through the process designed to make them Christ-like. Intellectually apprehending the Christian worldview is good and important, it nonetheless fails to address the whole problem of sin and separation from God. The nature of sin communicates itself through attitudes and behavior, an expression of character. Consequently, the growth process of becoming Christ-like centers in regeneration. Regeneration speaks to something much more fundamental than cognitive restructuring or moral improvement. It speaks of the old passing away, to be replaced by the new. It speaks of rebirth.
Okay, now for the windshield. As I sit here and write, it becomes clear that I am feeling deeply frustrated, regretting my careless and impatient behaviors. Yet I also notice a need to reduce the stress caused by seeing the ruined windshield. So, what should I do? Praying, of course is the first thought. Replacing the windshield quickly follows. But what is God wanting me to understand? Could he be teaching the art of patiently allowing circumstances beyond my control to simply be? Could he be showing me that my stubborn refusal to allow routine to be temporarily altered causes more problems than the circumstances themselves?
My relationship with God, with my wife and family, and myself are all immediately affected by my stubborn attitude. I fall into a routine and hold to it with annoying tenacity. God can’t freely use me if I live within a rut. He can only use a vessel willing to be used whatever may come. Inconvenience only becomes a problem when I appraise my routine more important than God’s direction… Now, to learn this for real!
This morning I went out to start my car like I do every morning. There was a difference, however. My car wouldn’t start! For reasons yet to be discovered, the engine responded with a rr-rr-rr-rr instead of firing right up. I have my uneducated suspicions, based solely on conjecture, but for the moment, I am sipping hot coffee at Sweet One-O-One, nursing an injured heart that is - well, is angry.
As I mentioned, the morning began like so many, completely unaware of the upcoming circumstantial environment. I woke up, prayed with my wife, got a cup of fresh coffee and read. Moments later, my wife and I, when she arrives downstairs, sit at the kitchen table for a robust discussion. We talk about all kinds of stuff. This morning, I remember my final comments: character formation occurs in the crucible of hardship, much like the alloy of iron and carbon in an iron foundry. Those thoughts were fading into silence as I went outside, into the cold air to get into the car. That is when I discovered it!
RR-rr-rr-rr-rr-rr-rr. Immediately my emotions stirred. RR-rr-rr-rr-rr-rr-rr-rr. Instead of the engine firing up, my frustration did! I felt my body shake. I wanted to scream and kick. I wanted to throw a fit and blame someone, anyone, for this inconvenience! Keeping my external behaviors in check, I walked back into the house to begin considering how to resolve this particular problem. My wife lovingly allowed me the space I needed to search frantically for a phone book. She listened quietly as I mumbled to myself. I wanted to simply scream and yell. I wanted to come unraveled for a few brief moments. But I know far too well my angry heart can spew out insensitive, cutting attitudes. So, I used all my strength to suppress the barbaric aggression as I prayed for God to help me maintain some semblance of control.
Once the necessary phone numbers were obtained, I decided to go to the coffee shop and cool off. Being it was only 7:00am, the idea of waiting until 9:00am or later seemed far too long. Getting a lift from my Mother-in-law, I arrived at the café and began writing. While there, I ran into a couple of people I knew. As we exchanged the usual pleasantries, I decided to also share a brief description of my morning. It helped. But what is really doing me good is journaling - and praying. God will carry me and I know the importance of connecting with others. The outcome will be alright. The journey, however, is another matter.
Circumstantial environment is a crucible. Heating the crucible is the fire of inconvenience. Changing my routine may seem rather benign from the outside, yet the internal, emotional response exposes a malignancy! The temporal experience of inconvenience, in the larger view, is not such a bad thing. It is something that rarely occurs which makes it seem so frustrating. Yet, I have listened to many men share struggles much more involved and distressing - and God has blessed them through it! May God have mercy and forgive my self-centered attitudes.
How is God growing you? How are you dealing with that? Who do you share your struggles with? Don’t try to go it alone…He is deeply passionate about your life and desires to see you flourish in his Son’s image!
